Challenging the Leader Within: The Cost of Living Distracted

Many women experience a disconnect between what they do and who they are. This imbalance can emerge from a variety of places including workplace pressures, family responsibilities, expectations from others, and even expectations we place on ourselves.

The disconnect often appears in women who are focused on the prize and determined to protect what they have built or what they are striving to achieve. Whether it is the next certification, a personal goal, or a career milestone, when we fail to regularly reflect on and integrate our core values we can miss the guardrails and boundaries needed to live out our calling with integrity.

I once saw my own misalignment on display while involved in a situation where I felt pressure to operate outside my values. At the time I was involved in several projects and running at a fast pace. I was too busy to listen to my inner voice and too distracted to recognize the cost of that. One situation in particular challenged four out of five of my core values. Ironically, it was the one value that remained intact that helped me recognize I had entered a compromised space. That realization gave me the courage to name what was happening and begin setting boundaries so I could continue working in a way that aligned with who I was.

I felt irritated by the situation and began to notice that irritation showing up in ways that were not becoming to me. Misalignment has a way of putting itself on display. While I initially focused on the outward dynamics of the situation, I slowly began to recognize there were deeper lessons unfolding.

To feel at peace about where you are going, you must understand your values. In Brené Brown's book Dare to Lead, she speaks about the importance of naming and living into your values. In part two of the book and the accompanying workbook, she offers exercises designed to help people identify the values that guide them and help them, as she writes, “find their way in the dark.”

Living Authentically Requires Boundaries

I had done values work previously, but somehow I had become too distracted to keep it close. Today my top five values are written on a whiteboard where I see them every day. They serve as a daily reminder of how I want to live and lead and I have discovered that authentic living cannot occur without the discipline of boundaries.

When I stepped back to consider who I was becoming and how I wanted to show up in the world, it became clear that remaining silent was not kindness. It was avoidance. My silence was not protecting anyone, it was simply allowing misalignment to continue.

At the time everything inside of me felt fearful, yet I sensed I was being called to courage. Through several conversations with a coach and trusted partners, I was able to acknowledge that I had become distracted and that I had the opportunity to course correct. If I wanted to be the leader I believed others were capable of being, I needed to name my concerns honestly. Brené Brown writes, “Daring leaders who live into their values are never silent about hard things.”

“Daring leaders who live into their values are never silent about hard things.”

Recognizing Your Voice So Others Can Too

Living distracted, living outside of who you were created to be, and living disconnected from the values you hold can slowly silence your voice. When that happens it becomes difficult to move toward the deeper desires placed within your heart.

Over time I have learned that regular reflection and prayer are essential practices. The woman I am today is not the same woman I was twenty years ago. Yet it is easy to live as if reflection is optional. If we do not take time to consider who we are becoming and what we truly need in a given season, how can we expect to show up authentically in the places we lead and serve?

When values misalignment occurs, our identity, voice, and contributions begin to shrink. Boundaries help bring us back into alignment. The more we understand our own needs and values, the more clearly others can understand who we are and the unique strengths we bring.

Your voice is more than the words you speak. It is the reflection of who you are and the person you were created to be. Your life and your identity are gifts placed in the world by God. When we lose connection with ourselves, our ability to bless others becomes limited.

Knowing Your Voice Is Critical to Knowing Your Calling

I have found that learning to recognize my voice has helped me articulate my prayers and thoughts to God more clearly. In those moments I am learning to slow down, listen, and receive His perspective on the places where my thinking has become limited.

As I lean into listening and reflection, I gain a deeper awareness of the gifts God has placed within me and I experience a renewed sense of love and purpose that I can offer back to the world.

If you find yourself living in a distracted season and want to learn how to slow down and rediscover your voice, I offer one on one coaching in a supportive environment for women who desire greater clarity about who they are and where they are going.