The Best YES You Can Say
Every year, I pick a word of the year, a Northstar word, to keep me grounded. Several years ago, I was rooted in the word “humility.” As I journaled about her and embraced both the positive and negative meanings of the word, and embodied who she represented, I began to consider how one of the characteristics of being humble, the ability to admit mistakes, can never fully be embodied if we refuse to be honest with ourselves about our own shortcomings.
Not long after my season of wrestling around these concepts, I was awarded a partial scholarship for a yearlong coaching course that would allow me to further hone my coaching skills. While I was honored to receive the opportunity, I was also fearful of the financial and personal investment involved and my ability to fulfill the commitment.
It wasn’t until I stepped back and considered my personal motto, “I help others say ‘YES’ to growth,” that I saw the disconnect between what I was encouraging others to do and what I was unwilling to do myself. In essence, humility had to begin with admitting the blind spots I was seeing in myself and being courageous enough to deal with them. The moment I recognized the disconnect, I enrolled in the training course as I saw how much I needed the program for my own growth.
The Best YES Is a Private Yes
As a coach, I’ve learned that the best YES I can say is the private yes. It is the admission of honesty to myself. Yes, I was wrong. Yes, I need to change. Yes, there is a disconnect.
One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned over the years is that I cannot lead, love, and serve my neighbor as I love myself if I am unwilling to be real with myself. How can I help anyone if I refuse to help myself?
Admitting I Had a Problem
Here is another example where some necessary reflection was required before I could arrive at a YES for personal growth. Three years ago, I was diagnosed as a prediabetic. While I tend to naturally be on the slender side, I had still gained weight and it elevated my sugar levels. The first time I heard I was prediabetic was through a clinic screening at work. I had never heard that at my doctor’s office, so I dismissed it. More accurately, I chose to dismiss it. I chose not to face the truth.
The following year, my doctor also confirmed I was prediabetic. She wasn’t overly concerned, but it still took me six more months before I could fully admit to myself that I had encountered a problem and needed to make changes and turn my behaviors in the opposite direction.
Humility did not automatically appear. I had to humble myself. I had to admit there was a problem.
I sought out a coach I was working with at the time and admitted my diagnosis out loud. Once I chose accountability, I could change my diet and exercise habits and move forward intentionally. Fortunately, I am back in the green zone, but that did not happen without first saying YES to the fact that I had a problem and needed to change. And, it certainly wouldn’t have happened without accountability and support.
Changing Direction
When you spot a disconnect in your life, are you brave enough to seek help and challenge the excuses you might be making?
Here are a few questions you can journal to consider:
What is the gravity of the situation?
Are there boundaries I need to establish?
What is it costing me if I refuse to change?
How might that impact me or the relationships around me?
What possibilities might I face as I say YES to my growth?
Are there obstacles I might face?
What resources are at my disposal to help me move forward?
Is there someone who can help me maintain accountability?
How will I feel when I have moved forward in this new direction?
Giving Yourself Permission to Say YES
As you reflect on your own life and leadership challenges, may you embrace yourself with grace and self-compassion, with faith and courage, and be willing to give yourself permission to grow.
I’m confident that when we take time to recognize our challenges and invite God into the self-reflection process, He can bring awareness that we cannot manufacture on our own. When I decided to say YES to my studies, I’m convinced that God reminded me of my own personal motto to help me forward, essentially making my path a little straighter.
This week, may you find comfort in this Proverb as you face all that is ahead of you.
“Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart. And do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him, And He will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way].”
If you are struggling and interested in coaching, I invite you to reach out and book a discovery call. You do not have to navigate growth alone.
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